


A Million Reasons: Separation Anxiety

by TreeofStars



Series: A Million Reasons [3]
Category: Gunsmoke
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Babies, Comfort/Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-09 02:52:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15257811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreeofStars/pseuds/TreeofStars
Summary: Kitty deals with two kinds of separation anxiety.





	1. Chapter 1

Kitty sat on the bed, baby Laura propped up on her shoulder. She patted her back gently until the baby let out a decidedly un-ladylike belch.

"This is the only time in your life you'll be allowed to get away with that, you know," she said, wiping Laura's mouth.

Matt came out of the water closet. "There's no denying she's my child."

Kitty shook her head. "Men." She rolled her eyes at the baby. "Momma will teach you how to deal with them."

"Why do I have the feeling it's going to be two against one when she learns to talk?"

She smiled at her husband but said nothing. Laura sat upright in her mother's arms, making sweet little sounds that never failed to make Kitty smile. Now three months old, she was small for her age but strong. A social baby, she always had smiles for her papa, her daddy, and her momma. But she was starting to show the beginnings of a temper, which exasperated Kitty but Matt found amusing. She wasn't sure it would be so amusing when the baby got older.

True to her nature, Laura was trying to grab Matt's hat, which was just out of reach. Kitty grabbed her hand and kissed it. "No, that's not for you."

The baby was having none of it. She immediately started to fuss and whine.

"What's the problem?" Matt had gone back into the water closet.

"She wants your hat," Kitty answered, wrangling her squirming child. "Why is your hat on the bed anyway?"

Laura began to cry.

"What?" Matt stuck his head out. "Kitty, just give her the hat."

She made a face. "It's going to go right in her mouth."

If there was one sound in the world Matt could not tolerate, it was his daughter crying. He took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully. "She's not going to put a hat in her mouth, Kitty. Give it to her."

Kitty shook her head. "Fine." She reached for the hat and placed it in front of the baby, who immediately calmed and grabbed at it with tiny fingers.

"See? What was the problem?" He ducked back into the water closet.

She said nothing and waited patiently. Within seconds, Laura's mouth had found the rim of the hat and she began to gum it, making happy little humming sounds as she did.

Kitty rested her head back against the pillows and closed her eyes. Laura was not the world's best sleeper, and had been up most of the previous night. She counted herself lucky that she had both Matt and Doc close by, both willing to get up with the baby. But most of the time, she wanted her mother, whether she was hungry or not. In the beginning, it delighted Kitty, as she rarely wanted to let go of the baby. But she was loath to admit that after three months, she wouldn't feel too hurt if Laura wanted some daddy time.

Time with Matt was something that not even Kitty had, really. He was always around, only venturing out for errands and the occasional outing with Doc. But it wasn't the same as it was when they were first married. With Doc and Laura in the house, they hadn't had a private conversation that didn't involve discussing the baby since she'd given birth. He was supportive, but it seemed his sweetness and attention usually went to the baby instead of her. Oh, she wasn't jealous. In fact, most of the time she felt too tired to think about it. But lately she found she missed her husband. She'd seek the warmth of his arms as she slept, but once the baby woke, he turned over and went right back to sleep. He occasionally offered to change her when she was wet, but Kitty never took him up on it. She was already half out of bed, anyway.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a near-unholy sound coming from her husband. She opened her eyes.

"You're letting her chew my hat?!"

Kitty shrugged. "You told me to give it to her."

Matt glared at her, and took the item from the baby, who immediately started to wail.

"Matt! You can't just rip it away from her." She picked Laura up and cradled her close.

"Well, she can't chew my hat, Kitty." He angrily hung it from the peg on the wall by the dresser.

"Why was it even on the bed? You don't wear it anymore." She raised her voice over the baby's crying.

"Because you told me to clean up in here!"

"And putting your hat on the bed is cleaning?"

Matt threw his hands up. "I'm going to get lunch with Doc."

Kitty was fuming. "Oh no you don't. You're not leaving me alone with this." She got off the bed and handed the screaming child to Matt. "You calm her down. I'm going to have lunch."

Matt looked down at his daughter. "Now I have two women angry with me."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty sat at the table, picking at her sandwich. In truth, she wasn't really hungry. She just needed some quiet. And although she thought it selfish of her, she found herself getting irritated that Matt and Doc came and went as they pleased, and she'd been housebound for three months.

"Not hungry?"

She jumped at the hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she managed a smile. "No, not really."

"Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to make myself a sandwich."

She smiled as she watched Doc prepare his lunch, placing a glass of milk in front of her before he sat down.

Kitty made a face. "I've never had so much milk in my life. I feel like a cow. Udders and all." She looked up at Doc. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Babies are very demanding. That's why God made them so cute. So we can tough it out."

She managed a smile at that. "I'm just tired is all."

"I know that." He took a bite of his sandwich.

"Not sleeping so well, and…"

"I wasn't thinking of that kind of tired."

She looked at him questioningly.

"You never leave that room, Kitty. I rarely see you without that baby in your arms." She opened her mouth to protest, and he held his hand up. "Hear me out. I know she prefers your company right now, which I'm trying not to take personally. But give yourself a bit of a break. Come down here; eat meals with us. The weather will be warmer soon, you can go for walks-"

"I really appreciate what you're saying Doc, I do. But this won't last much longer. I'm fine. Really." She stood and leaned over to kiss his head. "I promise," she added as she left, leaving her milk and sandwich untouched.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty cracked the bedroom door open and peeked in. Matt was in his big chair, head back, snoring, with a sleeping Laura in his arms. She approached them quietly, grabbing a quilt from the end of the bed to drape over them. After making sure it was tucked around them, she turned to tiptoe out, but a hand grabbed her arm.

"Don't go," Matt whispered.

She looked at him, an array of emotions flooding through her. Anger, frustration, love. Love was the strongest of the three, but the other two had to be dealt with. She'd ignored them for too long.

When she didn't say anything, Matt ran his hand down her arm and laced his fingers with hers. "I love you."

She nodded, squeezing his hand.

"Tell me what you need. I'm not very good at all this."

Frustration bubbled up inside her. "I don't want to tell you, Matt. I want you to know and do it without me having to ask you."

He sighed, letting go of her hand. "I'm trying, honey."

"Are you?"

A flash of anger crossed his face. "Of course I am. I offer to change her, to rock her-"

"That's not what I'm talking about!"

"Well then unfortunately you're going to have to tell me. Because I have no idea."

Tears of anger sprung to her eyes and she blinked them away. "Never mind," she said defeatedly, walking away.

Matt stood carefully and gently placed Laura in her bassinet, tucking her small blanket around her before he turned to Kitty.

"So we're at an impasse then."

She shrugged as she folded the pants he had draped over the edge of the bed. "I guess so."

He walked over and attempted to pull the pants away from her. "I can do that."

She held tight to them. "I'll do it."

Matt threw his hands up. "I'm offering here. I'm cleaning up, I bring you your meals…"

Kitty looked at him incredulously. "You think this is about you being my servant? I'm talking about you being my husband."

"I am your husband. What does that have to do with anything?"

Kitty's fists tightened around the fabric of his pants. "You really don't have a grain of sense, do you?"

He looked at her, bewildered. "I guess I don't."

"Can you please…can you just go? I can't deal with this right now. She'll be hungry again soon.."

"No."

"What?"

"I said no, I'm not leaving."

"Matt. Please. I'm not in the mood."

"I don't care."

"You what?"

"You heard me. I leave and what does it accomplish? Nothing. We go back to not talking."

Kitty looked at him. "We haven't been talking. Why change it now?"

"Because I'm not happy, Kitty."

"You're not happy?" She threw his pants to the ground. "Well I am so sorry about that. Please, let me know what I can do to fix that."

"I didn't mean it that way and you know it. You're not happy either."

"I never said that."

"You don't have to!"

"How dare you say I'm unhappy! After what I went through…to have her now…" She gestured to the sleeping baby.

"That's right. You went through it. But I lost a child too, Kitty. It wasn't your personal tragedy."

"How dare you!" And before she even knew what she was doing, she slapped him.

Matt closed his eyes. "God Kitty, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did. On some level, you did." The anger had left her voice. "I'm sorry I hit you," she said, her voice breaking. "I shouldn't have…" Tears fell from her eyes.

"Oh Kit, please don't cry." He reached out hesitantly and stroked her cheek. "Come here? Please?"

She bit back a sob as she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry…" she mumbled against his chest.

"I'm sorry too, honey." He stroked her back and let her cry it out.

"I miss you," she said, gripping his shirt.

It clicked then for Matt. "You miss us."

She looked up at him. "You don't?"

"Of course I do." He wiped her tear-stained face.

"I thought maybe you were unhappy, or…"

"No, honey." He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her along with him. "I just…I guess…" He shook his head and shrugged.

"What? Please tell me." She gently turned his face to hers.

He took his time before replying. "I didn't want to get in the way," he whispered.

"What?"

He frowned. "She needed you so much in the beginning, and you needed her. And that was fine. More than fine. I wanted you to have that time with her. And the more time that passed, the more I was unsure about getting in the middle-"

"You could never be in the middle, Matt. You're her father. My husband."

"I know that. It wasn't anything you said or did, Kitty. Know that. It was me living in my head, which I'm not used to doing, and apparently not very good at anymore."

"Before she came, you didn't live in your head. Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I did what I felt. I didn't think about it. I went ahead and did it. Because I could. You came back to me and I went with my heart. Oh, my head was right there too, but I was tired of thinking so much when it came to you. I wanted to do all the things we talked about, all the things I thought about for nineteen years and never did anything about.

But when Laura came, I knew what that meant for you. To have that after losing Alice. And I didn't want to get in the way."

"You said it was nothing I did, but what made you think you'd be in the way?"

He sat silent, unsure of what to say.

"When you said it wasn't just my tragedy, is that what you meant? I didn't give you room to grieve?"

Matt sighed. "No, not really. But it happened to _you_ , Kitty. I didn't go through that. I didn't have to give birth to a child and…" He shook his head, not wanting to go any further.

She nodded, wrapping her hand around his. "I think I understand now. But Matt, I miss you. A lot. I don't want every conversation we have be about Laura. Maybe most of them," she smiled. "But not all of them. I want the man I married, the man I know you are. I don't want you to be hesitant around me or the baby. Ever. You are always wanted right here."

He smiled at her, his eyes shining. "I don't want to be anywhere else, you know that, right?"

Kitty nodded. "I know that."

He shook his head. "Do you think other married couples talk about this stuff as much as we do?"

She laughed quietly. "No, but I don't think other married couples have the time on their hands that we do."

He nodded, his eyes moving to her lips, his body leaning closer to her. She met him halfway, and he kissed her gently, intending to release her, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. He knew he missed them like this, but he didn't realize just how much.

They hadn't kissed like this in over three months. Hands running through hair, soft moans and sighs, tasting one another. She didn't ever want it to end.

The sound of a fussing baby reached their ears and they both groaned, releasing each other. They laughed at their matched response. Kitty leaned in and kissed him softly once more.

"I'd better answer that," she said, releasing him.

He turned and watched her lean over the crib and pick Laura up, kissing her cheek as she did. Cradling her in one arm, she returned to the bed and sat down to nurse. He moved to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"For a little lady, she doesn't have very good manners," he said.

"Stop that. She's just very excited about mealtime." She looked at him and smiled.

"She gets that from me."

Kitty shook her head and watched the baby's eyes close in contentment. "It doesn't take a whole lot to make her happy. I think she gets that from you too."

Matt chuckled. "I'm a simple man, Kitty. I don't need much."

She smiled at him. "I want to make you happy, Matt. I want us to make you happy."

"You do. You always have."

He leaned over and kissed her softly. She nuzzled her nose against his before turning her attention back to the baby. Watching her, he knew he wanted to do more than tell her what she meant to him – how happy she made him. He wanted to show her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fairly graphic descriptions of lovemaking below. If this is not your thing, let the ride operator know and he'll direct you to the nearest exit.

Kitty was feeding Laura her last 'meal' of the evening before putting her down for the night. For the past few days, she'd been sleeping through the night, which at first concerned her. But Doc assured her that if Laura was hungry, she would surely wake for a meal. He also added that she should enjoy it, because it might not last very long.

She watched as the baby made her sweet little suckling sounds and flexed her tiny fingers in Kitty's hand. She didn't think it was possible to love the baby more than she did when she was born, but she found that love growing every minute. She was humming a tune to her when Matt walked in.

"How are my girls?" He shut the door behind him and went over to the bed. Seeing Kitty nurse their daughter never failed to make his heart swell.

"We're good," Kitty said, her eyes still on the baby. "Almost done I think."

"Good. Because I have a surprise for you."

She looked up at him. "What kind of surprise?"

"Well if I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

"Is it for Laura too?"

"No. In fact, Laura will be spending the evening with Doc and Annette next door."

"What?!" Her hold tightened around the baby. "She will not."

"What are you talking about? You know how much Doc loves her, and how he takes such good care of her. And Annette has had three children of her own…"

Annette lived in the house next door, and she and Doc had become acquainted recently, taking daily walks around the neighborhood and having the occasional dinner. Matt and Kitty had invited her over several times, and she was warm and loving. Her husband had passed several years prior, and with her children all married with their own families, she and Doc had become fast friends.

Still, Kitty did not approve of Laura being outside of the house without her.

"No, Matt. Honestly, how could you even think of doing something like that without asking me?" She lifted the baby onto her shoulder and began to burp her.

"I didn't think it would be a problem. Annette's been around the baby plenty of times. You've seen how good she is with her."

"That's not the point, Matt. I'm just not ready for her to be so far away."

"It's next door, Kitty. If she woke and got hungry, Doc could be back here in a minute."

She shook her head. "No."

Matt sighed and sat down. "I'm sorry I didn't consider that. But would you think about it? Please? I have a whole evening planned and I thought it would be nice to spend some time together, just you and me."

Kitty looked at him, taking in his rather defeated expression. "Oh Matt, I love you for that. I do. I think you just caught me off guard."

He nodded. "I understand. We could put it off if you want. It wouldn't be today, but…"

"What does today have to do with it?"

He smiled at her. "You don't know?"

She shook her head in confusion. "No…."

Matt grabbed her hand and lifted it to his lips for a kiss. "Honey, it's our anniversary."

Kitty was speechless. She shook her head in denial, her mind racing. "Wait…no…it isn't…There's no way. It's not until the twentieth..."

"Today is the twentieth, Kitty."

"That's not possible! I know I've been a little tired and focused on this little one here," she continued to rub the baby's back. "But I would know if it was our anniversary!"

"Kit, it's okay. You've had a lot going on here. I'm not upset."

"But I am!" Her eyes filled with tears. "I slapped you the other day, then I forget our anniversary…I'm an awful wife."

"Honey, no. You are not. You are amazing." He leaned over and kissed her. "I just wanted to spend a little time with you today. That's all. But we can hang out with Laura here. That'll mean just as much."

Kitty looked at the baby, now passed out on her shoulder. Her heart nearly broke at the thought of her being so far away, but the gesture Matt was making meant a lot, especially considering how nearly non-existent their marital relationship had been as of late.

"Ok. I'm…okay with it."

"Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you."

"You aren't. Really. I promise. I want to be with you, too. And see what my surprise is."

He grinned. "I love you so much. And I promise that if you miss her too much, I'll go get her."

Kitty laughed. "It's a deal."

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty sat on Annette's sofa and sipped her coffee. Matt had ordered her out of the house, so she bundled up the baby and some essentials, and went next door with Doc.

"I remember when I left my William for the first time. He was a mite older than Laura, but I can still feel the anxiety." Annette patted Kitty's hand. "It's normal. I promise."

Kitty narrowed her eyes at the older woman. "How did you…"

"Honey, you have a near death grip on that child. It's also stifling in here and she's still bundled in her coat and blanket."

"Oh!" Kitty removed the blanket and took Laura's coat off. She opened her eyes drowsily but quickly went back to sleep. Kitty breathed a sigh of relief. Somehow leaving her seemed a bit easier if she was asleep. "I'm sorry. It's not that I don't trust you…"

"I know that. You're a mother now. Worrying is part of the package. She won't be far, and she'll be right here with us. I'll keep her bassinet right beside us. If she wakes and is hungry, or just doesn't seem to want myself or her Papa, we'll bring her right home. I promise."

Kitty smiled. "I know she's in good hands. And I appreciate this. Matt and I haven't had a moment alone since she was born."

"I remember that well, too. Of course, we got past that rather quickly, as William was just over a year when Charlotte came along."

Kitty nearly choked on her coffee. She was saved by Doc, who brought a tray of sweet rolls in from the kitchen.

"Have a little something to eat, Kitty. I have no idea if Matt is making dinner over there."

She smiled, and took one. Sweet rolls were one of her favorite things to eat. "Thanks Doc."

He sat down on the sofa across from them. "So, how's my granddaughter? Asleep?"

Kitty nodded. "I think she'll be down for quite a while. You shouldn't have any trouble."

"She's never any trouble, Kitty. You know that."

She looked down at the baby, relaxed in slumber, and felt her heart tug. It was time to go, but…

Annette cleared her throat. "You want me to take her, or do you want to lay her down?"

Kitty didn't like either of those options. She wanted her to stay right where she was. "Um…I guess I'll put her down. Just in case she wakes up." She leaned over and placed Laura into the bassinet, tucking her blanket around her. "I don't know how cold she is, but we can keep this on her for now."

Annette nodded, though Kitty did not see. She was too focused on the baby. "I love you, Little Bit. You have good dreams and I'll see you when you wake up." She steeled herself against the flow of tears threatening to fall, and kissed her on the cheek. "Sleep well, sweet baby."

Annette wrapped an arm around her when she stood. "She's going to be just fine. She'll sleep right through and when she wakes up, she'll be right back in your arms."

All Kitty could do was nod as she headed for the door. "Thank you. Just…if she needs anything…"

"We know just where to find you."

Doc stood. "Kitty, do you want me to walk you home?"

"No, Doc. I'm fine." She walked quickly to the door and exited before she lost her nerve and composure. She didn't start to cry until the door shut behind her.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Matt plated their steaks and poured their drinks, excited for Kitty to come home. He knew how hard it was for her to leave the baby, but he hoped she would think it was worth it.

He heard the front door open and shut. "Kitty, I hope you're hungry! I made…" He stopped when he turned and saw her standing in the kitchen doorway, tears streaming down her face.

"What is it, honey?" He walked over and pulled her into his arms.

"I miss her," she sobbed, her voice muffled against his chest.

"Oh Kit. Honey, we don't have to do this. We can go get her, and she can be with us."

"No, no." She shook her head, wiping her face against his shirt. "I want to spend time with you. I just didn't think it would be so hard."

"I know." He stroked her back and held her until she calmed. "You doing a little better?"

She looked up at him and nodded. "I am a little hungry…"

Matt smiled and kissed her gently. "I made steaks. Nothing too adventurous." He led her over to the table and pulled out her chair.

"Why thank you, Mr. Dillon."

"You're very welcome, Mrs. Dillon."

They ate in companionable silence, content just to be with one another. Once they were done, Matt took the dishes and glasses and put them in the sink basin. "I'll soak those and wash them later."

She nodded with a smile. "I love a man who cooks and does the dishes."

"I know you do. I don't do it for me, you know."

Kitty laughed as he took her hand and put out the light, leading her upstairs. When they reached their bedroom door, he pulled out a handkerchief. "Now, I want you to cover your eyes with this."

"Matt, really?"

"Yes, really," he replied in mock sternness.

She shook her head and did as ordered, listening as he opened the door and led her inside. He sat her down on the edge of the bed. "Stay there. And no peeking!"

She giggled. "You know me too well."

"You're darn right I do."

Her ears strained to hear what he was doing. He heard the striking of several matches, but could not discern anything else. "What are you doing over there? My hands are getting tired holding this to my face…"

"Ok, ok." He went over to her and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet and taking the handkerchief away from her.

Kitty gasped. The room was full of candles, their light creating a wonderful glow around them. "Oh, Matt! This is lovely!"

He grinned. "I'm glad you like it. But we aren't done."

"We aren't?"

"Nope." He took her hand and guided her to the water closet, watching her face light up at the sight of a full bathtub surrounded by candles.

"Oh, Matt, this is just perfect!" She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "But I thought we agreed we'd wait to fill it until the pipes got installed?"

"This is a special day, Kitty." He kissed the top of her head.

"You are the best husband in the whole world."

"I try my best. Now, I suggest you get on in there before the water starts to cool."

"You mean it's still hot? Even after we ate dinner?" She dipped her hand into the water, and sure enough, it was nice and hot. "How did you…"

"I have my ways, sweetheart."

She shook her head and began to undress, Matt leaning against the doorway watching her.

"You going to get in completely dressed?"

He shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. "Nope."

The look in his eyes made her shiver. It had been a while since he'd looked at her that way. She suddenly felt self-conscious as she pulled off her drawers and stood before him, naked as the day she was born. His eyes raked up and down her body, taking in every inch of her curves. She'd undressed before him since Laura was born, but he'd barely taken notice. This was very different.

Matt seemed to sense her shyness. He walked over to her and brought his lips to hers for a searing kiss, his hands gripping her hair and holding her close. He kissed her breathless, pulling away to see a look of pure arousal in her eyes. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

She shook her head. "No, but you make me feel beautiful."

"I'm glad, Kitty." He leaned in and gently kissed around her ear, stopping only when she began to giggle.

"That tickles!"

"Okay. To be continued. Get in there," he ordered, nodding to the tub.

She climbed in, luxuriating in the heat of the water. She slid down until she was completely under the water, and sat back up, pushing her wet hair back. Wiping the water out of her eyes, she turned to her husband, only to find him staring at her in a way she hadn't seen since they'd first met. "What?"

He walked over to the tub and knelt down, cradling her face in his hands. "You take my breath away."

"I do?"

He chuckled, pushing a strand of wet hair behind her ear. "Yes, you do."

She leaned in and kissed him gently. "Are you coming in here?" He nodded and she watched as he undressed, her want for him almost overwhelming. "I know you can undress faster than that," she chided, raising an eyebrow.

He said nothing, but attempted to speed up his efforts, which resulted in his feet getting caught in his pants. He stumbled, catching himself on the rim of the tub.

Kitty laughed, reaching out to grab him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Nothing hurt but my pride."

She kissed him, still laughing. "That was kind of adorable, really."

He frowned. "I was not going for adorable there."

"No, what you were going for was naked." She watched as he removed the rest of his clothing. "And now you are definitely that."

He waggled an eyebrow. "Scoot forward. I'm coming in."

Kitty did as he asked, quickly leaning back to rest against his chest. She hummed happily as his arms wrapped around her. "This is the best anniversary I've ever had."

"Uh, honey? This is our  _first_  anniversary."

"Wedding anniversary, yes. But there are others."

"Like what?"

"Oh, the anniversary of the day I arrived in Dodge and saw you eating that big breakfast of yours. The anniversary of the night we first made love…"

"We never celebrated those things," he said.

"No, but I did."

"You did?"

"Yes. I'd celebrate my arrival anniversary by going to Delmonico's all by myself and ordering the exact thing I ate that first day."

"Really? You did? You never told me that."

She shrugged, her hands running up and down his arms. "It was just a thing I did."

"And what about the anniversary of our first time? You definitely never mentioned that to me."

Kitty sighed. "Well, sometimes that was bittersweet. Hard to celebrate that alone, but I did. In my own way. Nothing special, just closing my eyes late at night and remembering every moment, so I'd never ever forget."

He was silent for a time, his nose nuzzling her hair. "I really wish you had told me, honey."

"Oh, it's okay, Matt. It was hard for you to always be there for birthdays and Christmas. I didn't want to add another day to that."

"But it wasn't just another day. I would have been happy to celebrate that with you."

She raised his hand to her lips and kissed his palm. "Love, you were only ever in town once on that day, and you ended up spending the night at the jail because there was no one else around to watch the murderer you'd arrested."

"Oh, Kitty…" He hugged her tight and leaned over to kiss her cheek, tilting her face to capture her lips in a kiss.

"It's okay, Matt. Really. That was our reality, and I understood that."

"You know I'd have made every effort to be there if I knew."

"Of course you would have. I know that, and it's one of the million reasons I love you." She kissed him softly. "Don't be sad. We're here right now, and this more than makes up for all that you had to miss."

He let out a shaky breath, nuzzling her face. "you have no idea how happy I am to be here."

Her hand snaked through his hair, holding him close. "Me too." She paused for a time before speaking again. "You know, this house was so awful when I moved in. It was dark, and cold. Always felt cold, no matter how hot it was outside. It got worse after Alice died. I hated being here. When I was out, I dreaded coming back.

"But when you came, it was suddenly full of warmth and light. It wasn't just a house. It was a home. And now with Laura and Doc here…I couldn't ask for another thing in this world. I don't have one regret in my life, Matt. Not one. Because everything led me right here, into your arms for the rest of our lives."

He dared not speak for fear of crying. Despite how far he'd come expressing his thoughts and feelings, he still wasn't comfortable shedding a tear. Instead, he squeezed her tight, burying his face in her hair. He took in everything in that moment – the feel of her warmth in his arms, the soft movement of her body as she breathed, her scent that simultaneously aroused and comforted him. He committed it to memory, even though he knew she'd always be right with him.

Her hand rose to his cheek. "You okay?"

He cleared his throat. "More than okay." He began running his hands up and down her body – her arms, her hands, her soft belly. "I love this body."

"Really?"

"Yes," he said matter-of-factly. "It gave life to our little girl, and it still gives her everything she needs. It's amazing."

His hands rested against her middle, and she could not help but notice how he had avoided another part of her body. "Matt, you know you can touch me everywhere, right?"

He hesitated, knowing what she meant.

Kitty took his silence to mean that he didn't want to. "I mean, you don't have to..."

"No, honey. I want to. I really want to. But I didn't know if you wanted me to. I didn't know if it would hurt you."

She smiled, and brought his hand to her mouth. "You could never hurt me," she said, kissing his palm. Off his nod, she guided his hand to her breast.

His touch was light, reverent. His trembling fingers slid gently over her wet skin. "This okay?"

She nodded, turning her face into his neck with a sigh. "More…"

His touch became firmer, slow caresses that made her heart race. Suddenly he gasped, and she opened her eyes. Milk was leaking from her breasts. He froze, unsure what to do.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I don't know why…"

"You don't have to be sorry, honey. Should I stop?"

Kitty shook her head. "Not unless you want to."

"Is that…I mean, will that be less for the baby?"

She smiled. "No. I'll make more."

"You're amazing," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "So are you…"

His hands slid down, over her breasts to her belly. "Miss you, honey."

"I miss you too, love."

Matt pulled her up so her back was flush with his chest. His hand moved down, down into the curls at the apex of her thighs. He took his time exploring, fingers gliding over her velvety skin.

"Oh…" Kitty's hand snaked up into his hair, holding him close.

"Missed this," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear. "Missed touching you like this…"

Her hand gripped his arm as he turned his attention to her most sensitive spot, making gentle circles around the bundle of nerves.

She began to buck slowly into his touch, the water in the tub lapping against the sides. "Need you…" She kept her eyes on his hand, the gentle rocking motion arousing her as much as his touch did.

"I know sweetheart." He kissed her ear, running his tongue down to the lobe and sucking gently.

She circled her hips in time to the movement of his hand, seeking a long overdue release. "That's it…just like that…"

He bent so that his lips touched her ear, urging her to come with sweet whispers.

Her hand gripped his in place, the movement of her hips becoming more and more urgent until intense pleasure spread through her body, her wordless cries of release filling the room.

Matt held her tight as she came down from her body high, kissing her neck.

She hummed happily. "I have really missed that," she smiled.

He nipped at her ear. "Me too."

Kitty sat up and turned to face him. "I don't want to leave this tub until the water is cold," she said with a smile.

"I know the drill, Mrs. Dillon."

"Good. As long as we're on the same page." She moved to his lap, her legs draped around him. They kissed until they were breathless, and kissed some more, hands roaming over wet skin until the water grew chilly.

"I think it's time to move this to the bedroom," said Kitty, running her hands through his hair.

"I think so, too."

They got out of the tub and dried each other, kissing as they did so. Deeming them sufficiently dry, Kitty tossed the towel to the floor and led Matt to the bed. She climbed up and kneeled at the edge of the bed so they were eye to eye. "Make love to me, Matt."

He groaned as he kissed her neck. "It would be my pleasure."

He moved to guide her onto her back, but she shook her head, instead kissing her way down his chest, her hand stroking his manhood.

His hands gripped her hair as she took him into her mouth, loving him with her lips and tongue until he begged her to stop.

She released him, running her hands up his chest as she straightened up. He kissed her with an urgency that made her ache for him.

Gently, he guided her down onto the bed and kissed her long and slow. Their hands were everywhere, eager to touch each other in ways they hadn't in what seemed like forever.

Matt kissed his way down her body until he reached her sweet center. He nuzzled her curls, reveling in her scent that always drove him mad. He held her open with his fingers and began kissing her secret flesh.

She gasped at his touch. "Oh…Matt…" She ran her hands through his curls, holding him in place. Her hips began to rock against his very talented mouth. "Oh my God, I missed this…"

He hummed in agreement as he increased his efforts, eager to make her come again.

"So close…" Her body shook as she thrusted against his mouth. "Matt…" She cried out, her back arching as she came, her arousal flooding his mouth. Her hips continued to rock against his lips as she calmed, pleasure dissolving into a sweet buzzing that ran through her body.

Matt kissed his way back up her body, lips capturing hers in a searing kiss. "I have really missed that," he whispered against her mouth.

"Why did we wait so long again?" She nibbled his chin.

"I don't know, but let's never do it again."

He positioned himself between her legs and began rocking gently, her wet heat sliding against his length. The little moans his movement evoked from her were music to his ears.

"I don't want to wait anymore," she said breathlessly, her hands gripping his shoulders.

"You sure?" He punctuated his question with a hard thrust against her.

" _Very_  sure…"

He nodded and entered her in one quick thrust, causing her to cry out. He smiled in satisfaction, until he saw the pain on her face. "What?"

"Nothing…nothing…It's okay…" She pulled his face close, intent on kissing him. He resisted.

"It's not okay. You're completely tense. What's wrong?" He moved to pull away from her, but she wrapped her legs around him.

"No…stay…"

"Kitty…"

"I just need a minute. I didn't know it would hurt."

Matt frowned and kissed her forehead. "We should stop, honey. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."

"No, please. It's okay. I want this. I need it." She planted small kisses on his face. "I miss you."

He ran a finger against her cheek. "You sure?"

"Very sure," she whispered, pulling him close.

They kissed for what seemed like forever, her body finally relaxing around him.

"You okay?"

She nodded and began rocking her hips gently, her contented sighs signaling to him that all was indeed okay.

"Oh, sweetheart…" Being inside her, surrounded by her, felt like coming home.

"You feel so good inside me…" Her hands stroked his back, her fingernails lightly scratching his skin.

He'd let her control their movements thus far, but began setting a rhythm, his hard length sliding in and out in time to the motion of her hips.

Her ache for him was almost painful. She needed more, she needed it to never end. "More," she implored, her legs gripping him tighter as she thrust harder against him.

Matt gave her what she wanted, thrusting harder and faster into her, burning need running through him. It had been way too long, and he was beginning to doubt he could hold on much longer.

She seemed to sense that he was close, and seeing the almost desperate look in his eyes drove her closer to her own end. She began moaning softly, knowing the sound would drive him mad.

"Kitty…" Seeing her overcome with pleasure – her mouth open, crying out again and again with his every thrust – spurred him on.

Her body practically hummed with pleasure, his thickness sliding in and out of her with increasing urgency. She closed her eyes, the feel of him almost too much, the love in his eyes overwhelming her.

"Open your eyes, Kitty. Want to see you…"

She did as he asked, her eyes locking with his.

Her cries grew louder as the movement of their bodies became frenzied, and he struggled to hold on long enough for her. "Come on, love…"

She was on the precipice, ready to fall. "Yes…" Her body exploded with pleasure, back arching and fingertips digging into his shoulder. "Oh my God…" She shuddered against him, clinging to him, wordless cries streaming past her lips.

She swelled and tightened around his aching member, and that was all he needed to reach his own end, pleasure flooding through his body as he filled her with his love.

They were still for a few moments, Kitty holding tight to him, her body still trembling.

"You are so beautiful when you come," he whispered.

She smiled at him and nuzzled his nose before kissing him long and slow, enjoying the feel of their bodies still joined.

Matt broke the kiss gently and rolled over, pulling her to his side. "How did we go so long without this?"

She laughed into his shoulder. "I have no idea."

He tipped her face up to look at him. "Did I really hurt you?"

"Oh, Matt, I'm fine, really," she assured him. "Besides, a little discomfort was well worth it." She planted an open-mouthed kiss to his chest.

"Do you want me to go get the baby?"

Kitty considered his offer for a moment but shook her head. "I'm okay. Let's just stay like this for a little while."

He nodded, sighing contentedly into her hair.

It didn't take long for them to fall asleep in each other's arms.

**~MKMKMKMKMK~**

Kitty woke to a knock at the door. She opened her eyes slowly with a yawn.

"Kitty? You awake?" It was Doc.

Immediately awake, she stood and grabbed her robe, tying it as she raced to the door and opened it.

"Someone woke up and missed her mother," said Doc with a smile. Laura was cradled in his arm, wide awake but not yet fussing.

"Oh! Sweet baby! Come here!" She swooped Laura up and showered her with kisses. "I missed you so much!"

Doc smiled. "I'll be in my room for a bit, if you want me to take her again for a while."

"Oh no. We're good now." She grinned at him. "Thank you, Doc. And thank Annette for me again. Did you invite her for supper this weekend like I mentioned?"

"I did, and she accepted."

"I'm glad. We'll decide on a menu later."

"Alright Kitty. Holler if you need me."

"Will do, Doc." She shut the door and went back over to the bed.

"You jumped out of bed so fast I thought the house was on fire," said Matt, still under the covers.

"Sorry." She smiled at him as she curled up against the pillows.

"She doesn't look any worse for wear." He ran a finger along the bottom of Laura's foot.

Kitty gave him a look. "Didn't you miss her?"

He chuckled. "Yes, I did. But I'm glad we spent time alone."

She nodded. "Me too."

Laura began making her sweet little sounds, staring intently at her mother.

"Hi Little Bit. Did you miss us?" She lifted the baby and kissed her cheeks until she evoked a smile from her. "I think that means you did," she murmured, kissing her tiny grin.

Matt watched them silently, content to see his wife and child happy. He really  _had_  missed the baby, which surprised him. He marveled at how he could miss someone so much that he'd really only just met. Already, he could not imagine life without Laura, and was hard pressed to remember life before her. He reached out and tickled her cheek, eliciting a squeal from her.

"Come see me," he said, taking her from Kitty. He sat up and bent his legs, resting Laura on his thighs. She smiled happily, little hands flexing in excitement.

Kitty curled up against his side. "I can't wait until she starts to talk."

"Really? I kinda like this stage," he replied, fingering a small curl on Laura's head.

"You do?"

"Sure. She's starting to learn things and become a little person."

She nuzzled his cheek, planting a kiss to his stubbly face. "I love watching you become a father."

He smiled softly and offered Laura his finger, which she happily grabbed and pulled to her mouth.

"Did you wake up earlier?" Kitty asked, looking around the room.

"Yeah, why?"

"I was just wondering who extinguished all the candles."

"Well, I didn't want to start a fire, you know."

Kitty nodded. "That's true." She considered the baby, who was greedily sucking on her father's finger and becoming increasingly upset that nothing was forthcoming. "I think someone's hungry."

Matt handed the baby back to Kitty, watching as they settled in contentedly to nurse. "So, was it worth it?"

"Was what worth it?"

"Letting Little Bit out of your sight for a little bit."

She laughed at his phrasing. "Yes, it most certainly was," she replied, leaning in for a kiss.

"Do you think that maybe we could…you know…make it a regular thing?" He tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

Kitty smiled coyly. "Oh, I definitely think we can arrange that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my universe, and in this universe, bathtub water stays hot for as long as Matt needs it to. :D


End file.
